Democrats Recruit 1954 NBA Champion Lakers To Run For Governor

LINCOLN - After several potential candidates refused, the Nebraska Democrats may have finally found their candidate for Governor: the 1954 Minneapolis Lakers.

Despite the fact that the team's youngest player is 78, and several of the team's star players have been dead for years, State Chair Vic Covalt believes that the 1954 Lakers will connect with the elusive "swing" voter.

"We would have preferred one of the more recent championship teams, but the Lakers said yes, and we think they represent Nebraska Democrats very well," Covalt said.

When asked what about the team, which has long since left for Los Angeles, appeals to Nebraskans, Covalt said "I know a great number of people in Nebraska who wish it was still 1954."

Randy Adkins, a UNO professor who is often interviewed for stories like these because we need someone independent to verify our observations, was somewhat surprised at the news.

"I guess it makes some sense, they do bring their own connections and donor base, although I have to imagine that a lot of them are either dead or in Minnesota."

The Lakers have not yet agreed to run for governor, but will meet with Democratic Party officials soon to discuss the race.

"We're definitely interested," forward Jim Fritsche said, "but we need to know if we'll have the party's full resources at our disposal before we commit to a run."

Dave Heineman could not be reached for comment for this story.

Democrats Still Searching For Governor Candidate

'Charisma' of Heineman Cited as Major Concern

LINCOLN - State Democratic Party Chair Vic Covalt is calling the names of every registered Democrat in the state in order to find a suitable candidate for governor. But at this point, he'd just settle for any candidate.

"It's hard work, I must have called every Democrat in the state at least twice. That's about two thousand phone calls," Covalt exclaimed. Covalt's job became harder last week, when the incumbent filing deadline passed, shutting the door on any potential candidate who currently held public office.

One potential candidate for Governor, Douglas County Commissioner Mike Boyle, discussed the reasons why many Democrats were reluctant to get in a race with Heineman.

"Well, isn't it obvious? He's got that "it" factor," Boyle said. "He's easily the most charismatic Governor we've had since Bob Kerrey. He lights up the room."

One by one, potential candidates for Governor dropped off the map. Steve Lathrop bowed out when he found out state law prohibited him from offering free taxi rides home from the polls. 2006 nominee David Hahn became a "birther." And Heath Mello was really only kidding.

Still, Covalt is hopeful that a Democrat will step forward.

"After all, in this economic climate, with huge shortfalls, tea party activists, a shortsighted legislature, and a hostile electorate, who wouldn't want to be Governor?"